In a Lecture Series Presented by the BYU Faculty Center and the Education in Zion Gallery, Amy Jensen Shared Her Shift of Perspective About Perfectionism and Success
In her lecture “Angels Round About Us,” part of the My Journey as a Scholar of Faith Lecture Series, CFAC Associate Dean Amy Jensen honored the angels in her life by sharing with a packed auditorium the moments in which she had been lifted and healed by others.
Jensen shared that years prior, her sister Anne passed away after a years-long battle with metastatic melanoma. “I was filled with hurt, fear and anger. I had wanted the heavens to shake for her good. I wanted her to live and that didn’t happen in the way that I wanted it to,” Jensen said. “My response to these difficult losses was to rigidly control every aspect of my life. Mostly relying on my own will, I worked with fervor to make sure that the things at home and work demonstrated our achievement.” Fulfilling these self prescribed checkboxes included managing family activities, serving on multiple national boards, being the chair of the TMA department, being a general editor of a prominent journal in her field, publishing two books in five years and more.
In 2014, Jensen was a finalist for the CFAC dean’s position, a position that she deeply wanted. The other finalist was Ed Adams. “When Adams became the dean, I was humiliated. I had put myself out there, and people watched me fail. This triggered something in me. I wasn’t perfect. I couldn’t even pretend to be perfect.”
This experience acted as a turning point that helped Jensen come to terms with her own imperfection, truly heal from the grief she had been carrying since her sister’s death and open herself back up to heavenly influence. “All that grief that I’d been holding in and working to control poured out of me in the next year until eventually I was able to remember that I was God’s and that I could have His spirit in my heart no matter the circumstance,” Jensen said.
Choosing to see the angels in her life that were bearing her up was an instrumental part of her healing process. Some of those angels included her family members, who she made an effort to be more present with despite her busy schedule. “The gift of being present is that it's easy to see the people who we love most through our Heavenly Father's eyes,” Jensen said.
Another angel she mentioned was Dean Adams, who invited Jensen to be his associate dean and helped her learn to become a servant leader. “He knew I was struggling, and still had the generosity to see my strengths and to invite me to work alongside him,” Jensen said. “He has been my mentor and my dear friend, and because of his invitation, I have had my dream job for the last nine years.”
Early on in her grief, Jensen was also called as the Relief Society president of her ward, something that she initially hesitated to accept due to her feelings of brokenness. Her bishop, however, encouraged her and Jensen went on to serve in that capacity for two years. “Knowing what these women's hands, their hearts, their souls, did in the world, saved me,” Jensen said. “They helped me feel our Heavenly Father’s spirit in my heart, and because of them, I learned to practice unwavering devotion to His Son, Jesus Christ.”
In a spiritually full-circle way, Jensen’s late sister Anne also acted as an angel as Jensen continued to heal. A few days before her passing, Jensen had made a promise to her sister that she would take care of Anne’s three daughters and ensure that they knew stories of their mother.
Jensen was to teach a UNIV 101 class in the fall 2024 semester, a class which her niece—Anne’s daughter Maya—would be taking as an incoming freshman. At first it seemed that having her niece in her section of the class was impossible due to scheduling conflicts and other complications but Anne’s influence prompted a different result. One morning in early August while leading a study abroad, Jensen felt a connection to her sister that she had not felt since her passing.
“I could feel my sister persistently telling me to get this done, to figure out a way to get Maya in my section,” said Jensen. “This was unusual. Even though I had longed to feel my sister's presence, I rarely did.”
After making the necessary arrangements, Jensen was able to teach her niece in her section of UNIV 101, which she described as one of the greatest experiences she has had in her time at BYU and something that has strengthened the connection between her, her niece and her late sister. “I can see Anne in Maya, and I think maybe Maya can sense Anne in me, and that makes my sister present for both of us,” said Jensen.
Divinity, Jensen shared, is the work of a disciple, and influences her work as a scholar. To her, both pursuits are divine practices. “I know that God’s spirit can be in our hearts, and that his angels will surely bear us up,” Jensen said. “In choosing to see them, we can feel our Father in Heaven strengthening us in the work that we're called to do, whatever that work might be.”